May 3, 2011

An Interview with a Two-Year-Old

Ever notice how hard it is to get your kids to stay in one place for any period of time? It's like trying to get a squirrel with ADD to sit still. It's not their fault. They're simply trying to process massive amounts of information while learning how to interact with the world, and the world is a distracting place. Here's a rare photo of Ellie doing one of the few things that keep her occupied long enough to sit still:

I tried to get Ellie to sit down for a little interview similar to the one I did with Brady, but two-year-old little girls can only sit still for so long before their minds go back to pink butterflies and dollies, so I'll give you what I was able to get in between interjections from Brady and breaks to go potty.


Me: Sweetie, I'm going to ask you some questions now, OK?

Ellie: Brady, no! Daddy, Brady hit me!

Me: No, honey, he's just sitting next to you. (Brady smiles knowingly, and I give him a look.)

E: Can you read my Dora book, daddy?

Me: Sure, in just a minute. Is that your favorite book?

E: Yeah, my like Boots and Dora and Tico and Isa, and here's the Big Red Chicken! But Swiper wants to steal the yellow tickets.

Me: Wow, I can't wait to read it. So tell me something - have you ever kissed a boy?

E: No.

Me: Are you sure? Tell the truth!

E: Brady, and just my baby. And aaaaall my brothers. Daddy, are you a boy?

Me: Yes, and you've kissed me. What about Riley?

E: Yep, like this. (Mimes kissing very loudly and giggles)

Me: You're funny. Do you know how old Riley is?

E: He's one. Him a toddler.

Me: I thought you were a toddler.

E: No, dad, my a KID. (looks at me like I'm an idiot)

Me: OK, KID, and how do you feel about not dating 'til you're thirty?

E: (gives me a funny look) Huh?

Me: Never mind. So how many dollies do you have?

E: Two

Me: Just two? (the actual number is more like fifteen, at last count)

E: (holds up four fingers, then holds up both pointer fingers) Yep.

Me: Which one do you like best?

E: My princess one, and my Poohie. My LITTLE Poohie, not the big one. He's Brady's

Brady: Yeah, it's my Poohie-poopy! (they both laugh)

Me: Ha-ha, very funny, bud. (then, to Ellie) But your little Poohie has a rip in his side right now, doesn't he? Who did that?

E: Me. I wanted to see (what was inside). Daddy, my have to go potty.

Me: OK, honey, let's go.

(-five minutes later-)

Me: (Ellie is sucking her thumb) Why do you suck your thumb, honey?

E: (pops her thumb out of her mouth and looks at it) Because my want my Poohie.

Me: Oh, we'll get him fixed for you. So here's another question. Do you know why the sky is blue?

Brady: (laughing) Because it has toot clouds!

Ellie: (laughing along) Because it has toots!

(-they talk and laugh about toots for a few minutes-)

Me: All right, guys, we're almost done. We can talk about tooty-clouds later. (more giggles) So, Ellie, when we move into a new house, how much do you think it will cost?

E: Ummm...two.

Me: Two what?

E: I think just two, daddy.

Me: Wouldn't that be nice? Ok, sweets, last question. Which would you like better: an ice cream cone or a Coach purse?

E: (looks at her little white and pink purse, which she's been holding the whole time, along with her pink blankie) Ice cream! Can I have it now?!?!

Me: Oh no, you've already brushed your teeth, so maybe tomorrow. What's your favorite kind of ice cream?

E: Hmmm...malilla.

Me: Oh, I like vanilla too. Thanks for answering my questions, honey.

E: You're welcome, daddy. Can you read my Dora now?

Me: Sure!


Whew. What you don't see here are the 16 or so breaks in the conversation which were spent trying to wrangle my little squirrels back onto the couch so we could finish this thing, and when we were done, they weren't the only ones who were ready for bed. Oh, and the dating thing. I would never really make Ellie wait until she's thirty to start dating. Even though I only have one precious daughter and she's one in a gazillion, I'm not that kind of dad.

Twenty-eight should be just fine.

1 comment:

  1. Well done, Aaron! Your smooth style is easy to read -- and I like the idea of interviewing your kids! If I were you, the last interview should just be a picture of a crayon scribble on a wall and the comment that "Riley doesn't say much yet and was more interested in..." whatever. Oh, BTW and as a well-intentioned critique, try and keep your posts regular! Even if you have to write them ahead of time and schedule them to come up on their own...see, 'cause I MISS my weekly fix of Used Diapers. (I just realized what I said: "Ewwwwww!"